Friday, January 21, 2005

Get it out already!

Eye boogers. Eye gunk. Something in your eye. Cheese.

All names of those little pieces of mucus that some people have trouble removing before going out in public. Others seem to have some kinda mass mucus production company in their eyes that just keep those little doggies forming. It's like, every hour, there's a new development!

I, for one, cannot concentrate on what the speaker is saying if distracted by a chunk of greenish, yellow substance in the eye with which I am trying to make contact. Can be gooey, can be crunchy, is sometimes stringing across the lid. Usually, I have to just look away, give myself some kind of small task to do like re-tie my shoe, and let the person know, "I'm still listening" all while trying not to gag. Ugh! And sometimes it's like the person has made the attempt to get it out, but hasn't really followed through, and you'll see a hunk of it stuck in their eyelashes or strung down their cheek. It's so gross.

If I am close to the person (meaning I've had more than one conversation with them), then I will tell them, "Uh, I think you've got something in your eye." If you don't know the person well, you can always say that it's an eyelash or piece of fuzz. This spares you both any humiliation or awkwardness. In the event that I do know the person, I will often times go for the gold myself, inching my finger toward the hideous molecule and picking it out with steady fingernails. My family and boyfriend HATE this crazy pet peeve of mine, but I ask them, "Would you be distracted if this same mucus was around the nostril area?" The answer is yes, so why is everybody hating on the nose but giving the eyes a free pass?!!!

I'm tellin' ya! It's awful! I like to really look a person in the eye when they're talking - really give 'em my full attention! And even if they were describing all the riches in Heaven above, I still wouldn't hear a thing because I'd be thinking entirely of the junk in their eye and also of the best method of removal! Ew!

Now, usually, I find this to be a problem in men, most likely because they spend incredibly less time in front of mirror throughout the day; however, in the event that you do see these creatures curled up in the corner of a female eye, it can be even worse because it will appear as a humongous form of mascara mixed with mucus. This is a disgusting combination and, in my opinion, could have toxic impact on the ocular cavity and all that lies within.

I shall conclude with this:
1. If I ever have eye gunk of any kind, please tell me. (although I constantly check for it)
2. If you ever have eye gunk and someone is kind enough to alert you, please remove it. (for all sakes involved)
3. If you are about to post a negative comment on this piece, referring to me as a "sick individual" or the like, you are probably one who has a mass mucus production complex. You need to look at the problem within before blaming someone else for your overzealous ducts.

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