Well, well, well. Look who's got an attitude.
His name? Knox Pace
Relationship to the prosecution? Son
Age? 9 months
Granted, the little fellow has been sick for the past two weeks. It should also be noted that he was on steroids for his swollen voice box and windpipe. And I'll concede that he was so stuffed up, that he could hardly breathe. But ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I ask you: are these just causes to twirl his stuffed animals above his head and launch them out of his crib in a fit of frustration? Do these reasons justify the defendant's blatant use of fists and teeth (punching and biting, respectfully)? Should this child continue to wreak havoc on his family while providing none of the financial or household support, yet contributing with glee to the sleep deprivation and random sprays of urine on all members present?
I suggest that you look past his Dr. Jekyll facade when determining your verdict in the case of Tired Momma vs. Strong-Willed Infant. Look past his mesmerizing blue eyes that sparkle when his father walks in the door after a long day of work. Try to see beyond a dimpled, wide-stretched smile that flaunts five glorious tooth buds and is flashed to family and strangers alike. I urge you to beware his chunky little cheeks and meaty little thighs, take caution from that round squishy belly and those little bubble toes. When he says, "Da-da," and coos, "Ma-ma," close your ears to such sweetness, block out the squeals of delight as he learns to clap his hands and practices an awkward, yet certain wave. Do not succumb to his precious giggle, and the adorable babbling he mutters as he plays contentedly by himself.
Oh wait. Where was I? The baby just stopped playing and twisted around with both arms up, held them there and fussed until I reached down and allowed him to give me a hug and let him gnaw on my cheek with a slobbery open-mouthed kiss. Then he let go and smiled before turning back to his blocks again.
All charges are dropped. He is innocent when guilty, perfectly imperfect, and incapable of being culpable. Humbly, I rest my case.